The Tumultuous Writer’s Mind

Posted on by sereichert

I’ve struggled with a post this week. Either to launch into some deft and cuttingly beautiful poetry, or as Melanie Griffith once said in “Working Girl” to hit you with my smarts. I don’t have a lot of poetry or smarts today. Sorry.

Life has been chocked full of events. Some of them are little, and benign. Some of them seem like…not a big deal, but they rift something deep within the surface and you end up spending the week dealing with the ripples that have become tsunamis. Part drowning, part relishing the destruction of old temples and ideals that held you for far too long in subjecation. In any case…you start to question, where you’re at. What you’re doing? Are you living well? Are you loving well? Are you taking all the advantage of this one wild life? Or are you… stagnant? Have you slept too long in comfort and stopped fighting for something…far greater? Have you given up truth and freedom for discomfort for blissful ignorance?

And why not? Out of fear? Out of habit? Out of…this is how it’s always been and why should I wish more for myself?

It’s hard. As humans. As writers. To trust our own individual worth. Our creativity. What we offer the world. Why does it even matter in dark and vast sea of a million different voices?

Especially when cookie cutter, and formulamatic fiction seems to be the thing that draws in the most eyes… Well…shit I don’t know. There’s very little money in truth. There’s very little fame or fortune in telling the general masses something interesting and thought provoking and…god help us…challenging to their idiom. Please, as the Briar Rabbit once cried, don’t throw me into the thorn bush…Please don’t make me…think…

Is there room for the artist in this world? Is there room for the intellectual? The person disconnected from the constant spin and pizzaz of what constitutes journalism and entertainment (trick question, there’s no difference between the two now) these days. Is there room in the world for the person who chooses to turn of their screens and the voices and the barrage of constant, dumbing down information to sit still…and think… and write? About an original idea, about the absolute absurdity of life? To write something that makes us think? When was the last time you read such a thing? Such a strange soul-stirring thing? When was the last time you sat in silence, and contemplated the idea that in your not-so-distant-past, your brain kept you alive in a world full of real dangers and still managed to tell a decent story. That you were designed…for far better things. Not monetary, not status related. But…soul worth…When did you last wonder if all of this noisy bullshit was beneath you? Because I’m pretty sure it is.

I am weary of this world. It holds so little that matters. It has become so much neon pink and drowning narcissism.

I don’t have a blog for you.

I’m too busy thinking. On my own. Observing, with eyes, not videos. Listening to all perspectives, shouting to be heard… And even if I had something worthwhile to tell you, about you, your existence, about the white washed reality you’ve been fed, all the anxieties they’ve readily given you to keep you engaged on numbing little pills, I’m not sure anybody is ready to listen.

What’s in a Name?

Posted on by sereichert

Good morrow sweet readers. Today I’m going to talk about the importance of names in your fictional writing. Every writer has a process, and some of them are very organic while others are tortuous. I have been in both of those phases. Sometimes a character is just who they say they are when they pop into my head. And even if I wanted to change the name, I couldn’t. Sometimes the same character goes through an evolution of two to three (to seven–jesus, Elle Sullivan) names before the right one lands.

So how do we do it? Well… Here’s a bullet list because… we love bullet lists. Keep in mind that a character can be named for one of these reasons or for a combination of them.

  • Naming your character with meaning
    • This is where we get into the baby name sites and books and start with a meaning and back search what names correlate. I’ve done this a lot with my more urban fantasy/paranormal characters. I’m pretty sure none of my readers go around looking up the name and finding the little easter egg of their arc and purpose matching up. I do it more for me.
  • Naming your character Regionally/In Situ
    • Naming your character something that originates from their homeland, family, or region. This is important in some cases, to ‘show’ the reader a little bit about who they are by where they came from (like dialect but in a word).
  • Naming your character with sound
    • I think this is especially important in childrens’ and middle grade books. Lemony Snicket, Severus Snape, Skippyjon Jones. Not only does it make it more fun to read outloud but if you do your job right, you can intonate character with name. Severus Snape, ‘esses’ like a snake on your tongue.
  • Naming your character in tribute
    • There’s absolutely nothing wrong with this when it is done out of love and respect. My grandma Emma became Em. I even inadvertently wrote in a dear friend’s mother, Carmen into Back to the 80s. I know a Jamie, and love the name and fella but since it would be weird to write him as the MC, I made sure it was ‘Jameson’ in Composing Laney. I’ve used friend’s last names or nicknames. Sometimes its a way to pay tribute to them and be a little lazy.
  • Naming your character for foreboding
    • Gage in Pet Cemetery. Hodor from the Game of Thrones. Damien in The Omen. Even Remus Lupin, gave us some insight into the direction of the character. You can either spoil plot twists with this one or make your readers stop mid page to gasp at your cleverness. The trick is subtlety and not thing more than the name away before the twist. It could even be that an evil name (Severus Snape) is actually not attached to a villian.

Well, there you go. A few ways to start thinking (and probably overthinking if you’re like me) about how to name your next character. For a few more resources, check out the list below. Some of these are way more in depth than I like to go, some are fun and you can just keep spinning the wheel until the right one comes up. Good luck out there.

  1. Masterpiece
  2. Fantasy
  3. Listophile
  4. The Story Shack
  5. Reedsy Villains

Process and Perfection

Posted on by sereichert
Photo by Gu00fcl Iu015fu0131k on Pexels.com

Look at us, surviving (nearly?) another summer, a Camp NaNoWriMo, and one of the most interesting and invested writer’s strikes in a while. I’m so proud of those on picket lines and, though I still produce my blog, I do so for the other writers out there, and for my own sanity. That being said, if you’re a writer, artist, (struggling or not) or simply someone who believes in the arts, keep your eyes and your voices raised. This battle is one that is fought on every screen, newspaper, and blog post. Support all of our artists and dreamers. Because creativity is not just the source of our humanity, it is the building blocks of our survival. Engineers build bridges but someone must first imagine the bridge. You know what I mean? Survival takes all the bright and brilliant we can offer as species, so support all the bright and brilliant with a living wage, and do not pay into the corporate machine.

Okay–let me just….step down from that…soap…box (grunt). Now! Where was I? Well, I’ve been promoting and reviewing and doing all sorts of extraneous writing/marketing fluff, so today I wanted to get back to writing and talk about PROCESS.

If you’re a writer, I know you own at least three to 50 books on writing. And every single one of those offers you advice, usually from someone who “made it” in the world. We could say “experts” in the field. And where, yes, there are some constants that should be paid attention to (the book won’t write itself, you do have to put in the time, no its not easy, yes you will fail…repeatedly) I want you to take my advice (Ha! hypocrite!) on these few things…

Why take my advice? I’m not Stephen King, or Dan Brown, or Robin McKinnley, or Connie Willis…Who TF do I think I am? Well, beyond the fact that I’m a pretty average writer, with a good community, and an interesting background…I care. I actually care about your success as a writer (see above rant about artists and creatives).

And the thing about us, is that no single writer is in the same life or head space as the next. Stephen King isn’t raising two toddlers and working full time. Connie Willis isn’t supporting a family of seven with a night shift job. I’m not trying to cope with dyslexia or ADHD… We are all on a similar journey but we’re not all wearing the same shoes. Some of us may not even have shoes. And it may be night. And there are wolves chasing us…okay…back on point…

  1. PROCESS ISN’T AN ABSOLUTE: No singular way to write is the RIGHT way to write. (that’s a lot of goddamn ‘right/writes’) Write everyday, write in the morning, write at night, sit in the chair and don’t come out until you’ve got 5,000 words…NO. There’s absolutely no truth to any of this. While, you do have to write (to be a writer) how and when are defined by your life, your energy, your day, and your ability. And ALL of those factors continually change (especially if you’re a parent or care giver, work multiple jobs, have learning challenges or are facing mental health crises). SO–your process is your process and it might look like 15 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at lunch, and note taking during your kid’s practice, and daydreaming in the bath. Which leads me to the next absolute.
  2. NOT ALL WRITING IS WRITING: WTF does that mean? Well, daydreaming, is writing, downtime with a movie that inspires you, is part of writing. Getting a good night’s sleep and going for a walk are all parts of the writing process. The human brain is not meant to be stimulated the same way for hours on end. It’s complex, it needs variety. It needs challenge, it needs downtime. Nearly every writer I know has said…”It wasn’t until I took a break, and a walk that I got through that problem.” You can’t bash your brains against a plotline and hope the hole gets fixed. Being a writer is in large part being a shiftless daydreamer. So don’t discount the times you’re not in the chair clacking away.
  3. ONLY YOU SET YOUR LIMITS: This is both to the advancement and detriment of your craft. Someone says you should write 2000 words every day, but you are struggling to get 700, or maybe you’re throwing down 5000 words in one afternoon and don’t write for a few days…You are responsible for the ‘rules’ you make about writing and only you know the best possible route. I have a lovely friend, brilliant, funny and talented, who struggled with her first book, until she realized that she didn’t need to write every day. And that night writing wasn’t her thing and that she had to ‘let’ herself be okay with what her brain and her heart needed on whatever day the universe was giving her. Brav-Fucking-O I say to that. How many of us ascribe to preordained writing gospel only to be disappointed that we are failing that particular process? And what happens when we get discouraged? We stop writing. We fall into self-blame, and defeatism, and a general giving-up on ourselves and our work because we’re not a ‘real writer’. KNOW YOURSELF, TRUST YOURSELF. GIVE YOURSELF THE TOOLS, SPACE, and PROCESS YOU NEED.

Well, that’s all I have for today. Get out there, or go inside, sit down or walk around and take voice notes. Take a bath, take a walk, spend three hours at a desk, or fifteen minutes at a coffee shop. Just write. In the best way you know how.

Updates, New Releases, and Encouragement

Posted on by sereichert

Good morning, my fellow readers and writers. I hope that this blog finds you well. If you’re participating in NaNo, I hope it’s going well. If you’re just trying to survive the summer, I hope you’re surviving. If you’ve given up society for a cabin in the woods, you won’t get this blog but I am happy for your new and quieter lifestyle.

Photo by D J on Pexels.com

I’m recently back from a trip to Japan and still trying to adjust to the time and the ‘normalcy’ of my life. If I could tell anyone to do anything that would influence, affect, and change their lives, I would tell them to travel. Especially to a country where you don’t speak the language. Especially to a culture half-a-world away from your own. Become a stranger. Become a wanderer. That’s where you find the kindness and humanity in life, and the excitement of getting lost outside of your comfort zone. Traveling this way helps you to understand that the best lessons come when we are at our most vulnerable and humble. Also, America really needs to step up their toilet game and their vending machine capabilities.

Photo by furkanfdemir on Pexels.com

A quick note that I will be trying to do a couple of virtual write-ins this month for NaNo, on my social sites, so follow me here: Facebook for more info on that. I’m sticking to Sunday afternoons from 2 until 3 for the rest of the month and a final one on Monday the 31st from 5-6pm. If possible, I may be able to give you some prompts, answer a few questions, and give encouragement. I’ll have to see how that all works as I’ve never done it before.

Also!!!! I’m getting to release two new books August 1st (whew, she’s a busy bee!) Granting Katelyn, the 2nd book in the Sweet Valley Series will be out along with my stand alone, sweet comedy romance Back to the 80s. You are able to preorder those through 5 Prince Publishing and online at Amazon. The Back to the 80’s book will be launched into the world at a totally rad party hosted by Totally 80’s Pizza here in Fort Collins, August 1st, at 6pm. We’ll have games, books, some readings, and maybe even trivia. Love to see you there. I’ll get you details on Granting Katelyn’s Launch as they progress.

Stay curious out there. Keep writing. And get yourself some sun and a couple of lazy naps in if you can.

Love, me.

Book Review: The Serpent and The Firefly by Courtney Davis

Posted on by sereichert

I hate to admit how long it takes me to finish a book. I love to read, and if I had like ten more hours in my day I would do it all the time. I’ve started carrying around my e-reader (don’t hiss at me you physical book-philes, I love both versions but that tech is a lot easier when the page counts are high, to tote into a doctors appointment) in an effort to spend those free moments lost in worlds instead of lost in the spin of social media doom scrolling. And I’m not surprised to find that the more I read, the more I want to read. But the last book I read, I finished in under a week, so I know it was good.

My last book that I finished was The Serpent and The Firefly by Courtney Davis. Now, it’s kind of hard for me to be unbiased. One, because this beautiful little book shares a release date with Raising Elle (so they’re like fraternal, romance novel twins), and two, because I really love Courtney as a person and as an author. So I’m going to do my best to give you a good, honest rundown of the book.

I love urban fantasy and The Serpent and The Firefly checks so many boxes. From the description and back cover, I couldn’t have predicted how beautiful a world Davis was going to build. She does it in a seamless style that brings readers into a dark little underworld, glimmering on the edges of our reality. I love the variety of characters she brings in (interesting but not overwhelming) and hope that she expands on some of the groups of supernaturals in later books (I’m totally into the angel angle, and I want more nymphs!) Her main character, Jade, is thrown into an unexpected position of power, after having her magic hidden for years. Luckily, she has sexy and not quite trustable Baal, giving her some guidance. Not without cost, as he’s using her to regain his rule in hell. But I love the way she shows him tripping over his desire and need, the more he gets to know the adorable and floundering Jade. And let me be clear…I’m not a huge snake fan, but there are some scenes with Baal that made my little toes curl and think about the advantages of a forked tongue…ahem….moving on.

The chemistry between the two main characters is palpable and there’s a lot of good tension building that made me shake my fist every time they had a ‘nearly there’ moment, but the relationship they forge in the end is worth the wait and I love especially watching Jade’s progression from a timid woman in witness protection, to a full-on goddess who saves not just our world, but two other realms as well.

Davis’s writing is crisp and she gives her characters wonderful personality and dimension with dialogue and just enough description. She builds her worlds beautifully without smacking you over the head with too much narrative. Its a quick read but a lot of story happens in those pages. I’m definitely looking forward to her next series out in August, starting with The Vampires of Atlantis. For more info on Courtney and her books visit her at her website, or on her author page at 5 Prince Publishing.

Next week is poetry, then a little homage to a new challenge that I hope you’ll join me in for July.

Camp NaNoWriMo 2023

Posted on by sereichert

Hello writers.

I don’t know if you are suffering the lull of longer days and stifling summer heat. Maybe this is your season and you’ve got no complaints. Whether your basking in the golden glow or changing your third sweaty bra of the day with a curse, I have a little challenge to keep you motivated even when the lethargy of July hits hardest.

You all know I’m a huge fan of November’s novel writing challenge, but this is the first year I’ll be participating in their Camp NaNoWriMo. The organization offers two camps each year (April and July) to help keep writers inspired throughout the calendar months. The camps, however, offer a little reprieve from the high-word count pace of November. The rules are simple, during camp months you get to set any word count goal you want and are allowed to work towards any project. Say you have a first draft that you’re ready to get cleaned up, through the camp conversion chart you can estimate how many ‘words’ you would get through your editing endeavors. Or say you want to get a jump start on a new Vella project (ahem–I’m working on it!) you could put out a goal of twenty episodes at 1,000 words a piece and as long as you’re logging your progress towards that, you’re nailing the challenge.

I realize you don’t have much time to prep, like you might in October, but I think the beauty of this challenge is that it’s a lot more lackadaisical and banging out a simple outline or bullet list of your goals might be just enough to get you started. Begin with a project in mind, pick a reasonable word count, page count, or chapter goal (reasonable means it has to still be a challenge, so don’t slack off–but don’t discourage yourself with something you can’t reach in a month–especially with kids at home) and pin it up by your work space to keep yourself honest and inspired.

As the youth coordinator for Writing Heights Writers Association, I’ll be creating a group for my teens to participate. It’s a much lower pressure contest and still has a lot of the same benefits, mainly building good writing habits along with some fun swag at the end. If you’re interested, or you know a writer who could benefit from a little mid-summer pick-me-up, visit their website: Camp NaNoWriMo and register today.

Hit me up here or on social media and let me know what you’re project is and if you’d like to connect via the organization’s site. I’ll also be running some virtual write ins during the month.

Creativity and The Writer: Part 2

Posted on by sereichert

Hey kids. If I hadn’t mentioned it before, a lot of what I’m talking about this week (and last) I learned from a great class at the Wyoming Writers Conference a couple of weeks ago with William Missouri Downs, a screen and play writer with years of amazing experience. If you have the chance, check out his work. His class has been on replay in my mind so I thought I’d share the good stuff.

Last week we did a little basic housekeeping when you’re trying to foster a more creative life. This week, we’re going to go a bit deeper into what creativity is and why, sometimes, it can be hard to grasp.

First of all, creativity is not something you’re generally born with. There maybe certain individuals who seem to have an easier time being creative, but for the most part, anyone can become more creative. Because, at the root of creativity, is the ability to open your mind to new possibilities and new solutions, and that starts with a few things:

  1. Be curious…about everything. Read articles and blogs on anything that grabs your interest. Give yourself space to wonder and research, even if it’s about the mating habits of the Pygmy Sherbert Moth of Southern Cambodia. Learning about different and strange things will actually help your brain spark ideas and forge connections that you might not have before.
  2. Learn how to concentrate. It seems counter intuitive that creatives are able to sit and focus for long periods of time (maybe its that stereotype of the flighty artist, flitting around the room on several projects) but being able to concentrate, uninterrupted, leads to alpha states which leads to ‘flow writing’. And it also keeps you working at a problem until a reasonable solution is found. Think of it as mental stamina, and we all could use more of that.
  3. Set aside time for your art and PROTECT YOUR SOLITUDE. I don’t think more needs to be said, except that it also means being able to be alone, and creating boundaries (even with the people you love) to protect your writing space. When people in your life ask what they can do to help, be honest and ask for alone time to write and create.
  4. Look for options long after others have given up on a problem. Explore all angles and possibilities. Even the ridiculous and absurd solutions–find those and play, because one thing may lead to another, to another, eventually to the right thing. Whether it’s a plot hole, or a crisis resolution, be open to the strange and impossible. Being stuck is an opportunity to do something different, to get your head completely out of the box.
  5. Take chances and accept failure as part of the process. Failures lead to knowledge and knowing you will fail means you take every opportunity as a chance to learn more about what works and what doesn’t without judging it or yourself too much. Safety is not a place you learn anything.
  6. Have several different interests. Yes you’re a writer. But you’re also a yogi, or a bat tamer, or a bee keeper or a circus performer. Spend time learning and growing in as many places as you can. We should all actually strive to be Jacks and Janes of All Trades. After all, the whole saying is that “a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one.” This goes back to making those strange and creative connections between things and solving problems outside of the normal lanes of knowledge.
  7. Be persistent, write every day without fail. Meet your deadlines (other people’s or self-imposed), without fail. Yes, yes, I know there’s a lot of writing advice out there. And some people don’t write everyday and they’re perfectly happy and successful. I think writing everyday is not so much a direct line to your success in the field, so much as it’s an investment in yourself and a way to give back to your time, your space, and your own sanity.

There are plenty of exercises you can find in books and online to help boost your writing creativity but the habits above will help you cultivate a lifestyle where your brain can do what it was born to. And that’s, create.

Be willing to throw outrageous suggestions and ideas up on your board and not make judgements. Free flow new ideas out on a page without looking back as they land. Then give yourself an hour or a night and come back to it. Even if none of them seem viable, they may lead to different avenues that will be your next great idea.

Well, that’s the short, short version. I hope you have a creative week and feel free to email me here on the site if you have any questions or just want to chat about writing.

Good luck.

Creativity and The Writer: Part 1

Posted on by sereichert

Feels like that could equally say, “Beauty and The Beast”. So many ideas of what creativity is exist. Is it limited by IQ? Is it genetic? Does it only happen at given times or is it always on the bench, waiting to be put into play? Do some people have more of it? Does it dry up?

Often, as a writer, I’ve asked myself all of these. At times she has felt like a constant companion, whispering ideas and daydreams into my ear. At times, it feels like I’m alone in the middle of a lifeless desert, not an idea or a breath to take. When the good is good, ah they high it brings. When she’s nowhere to be found, there’s not a deeper low. And sometimes it feels like some writers are blessed with a giant bag of it, that they can’t possibly use in one lifetime, while mine is just an empty plastic bag, with a hole in the bottom.

I know many things, physically, can affect your creativity so I’m going to start there. Here are some basics you ought to know:

  1. You need sleep. Sure, sleep deprivation can give you some really interesting half-cocked (i just wanted to use that word) ideas. But they’re rarely fully formed enough to make much out of, especially once you’re coherent enough. Get sleep. Your brain needs it to problem solve, and that’s a HUGE factor in being creative.
  2. Don’t treat your body like a circus tent. Eat good foods, vegetables, lean and clean protein, drink water, watch the sugar and the processed foods. Limit the caffeine (see sleep more). Vitamins, nutrients, and minerals all help to keep your synapses firing correctly and your brain clear.
  3. Cut back the Alcohol. I’m not ashamed to say I struggle with this one. Its in my genes, and I have to be very conscious about it. I’m actually taking steps towards sobriety. One glass of wine softens my brain enough to let go of my anxiety and words seem to come easier. But I’m not the kind of person who can stop at one glass usually. Because if one feels good…two would be great right? And why not a third? And pretty soon you can’t even see straight and the brilliant ideas of last night that you scribbled down are incoherent the next morning. Creativity works better with Clarity.
  4. Exercise. Might surprise you to know that the old brain needs oxygen to function. How does it get that? Through our vascular system. Want to have a healthier vascular system? Exercise. Not only does it increase your oxygen level and hit you up with a tasty dose of endorphins, it gives your muscles, joints, and tendons a lot of love and attention. I don’t care how you do it, (bike, run, walk, lift, yoga, pilates, belly-dancing, martial arts) just do it, at least 30 minutes a day. Bonus points for doing it outside.
  5. Take time away from your screens. This one is going to lead into part 2. We are an overstimulated bunch of hairless monkeys. My goddess, did they do a number on us the day social media was invented. Here’s a little hit off a fake feeling of mattering. Now get twenty thousand of them a day while you scroll through nothing but recirculated and watered down ideas. Nothing original, nothing too insightful, and please feel free to stay in your designated echo chamber. I truly believe these systems, algorithms, AI and the entire corporate conglomerate of Meta is one of THE BIGGEST creativity killers ever known to humans.

So, that’s the beginning, taking care of the basic human needs that create an environment conducive to creativity. Think of it like a garden. You can’t grow anything in a dry and poisoned patch of dirt. It needs all the good stuff to begin a healthy bunch of ideas. Next week, we’ll talk about a little more about what creativity is and what it is not, and you’ll get another good list of ways to cultivate it and use it in all aspects of your life.

Happy writing!

Poetry 5-1-2023

Posted on by sereichert
Photo by James Frid on Pexels.com
Full Stop

Have you ever fallen
tumbled so terribly hard
that when the ground comes up
to meet you
it knocks your soul out
so you lay 
dead for a full moment
without air in lungs and 
blood stopped
staring into the thin blades of grass 
and the tiny loose pebbles of concrete
the smallest of worlds
in sharpest of view

full stop

world stopped
no more spinning
in dizzy laughing love
an idiot comprised of chemicals 
and false hope

and the ground beneath 
certainly has broken 
your kneecaps 
and cracked your sternum
into your faulty heart 
and bruised your hip bones
in ways he never did
and the bleeding of your palms
is communion to the earth
paid in full 
for the first reality you’ve known
since the daydreamy excursion
that robbed you of self

I have fallen
and I see the ground for what it is
and the weightless joy of you
is nothing more than
the precursor of pain
one more round on a faulty
merry-go-round
with rusty handles pulling free 
and rattling with 
uncertainty
until it tosses me off 
into the grave of ground

full stop

I stare at the grass
the small pebbles
and make myself soak in the shock 
as it rides over my body 
like waves
and I open my arms wide
to each salt spray of pain
until they pull back

full back

into the sea

and I remember

to

breathe
in full

don't stop.

Postulating Purpose

Posted on by sereichert

Hello friends. Today is the start of the Writing Heights Writers Conference here in Fort Collins, so I’ll be away from my website and blog for a few days while I help out.

I’ve been a part of the writing community for quite a few years (15?) and have attended several conferences, classes and events as both a member and now part of the team. Far from being an expert, I feel like I’m still learning things every time I step out into these forays with other writers. About writing, yes, but also about trends, and people, and methods, and humanity. And myself. Lately, I haven’t been very impressed with myself as a writer. In fact, my startling lack of creativity and drive has been kind of frightening. Even an 800 word blog post feels like a struggle. Nevermind that I have an anthology I’m supposed to be putting together in a month.

So what the actual fuck is my problem? Well…I mean I have a lot of them. But you don’t have time and nobody wants to hear the sad-sack history, but I think this particular existential crisis is coming from a hard round of lessons and the decisions I had to make because of them.

For a long time I was driven by a duel sense of purpose. But lately I’ve felt as though I’m faltering in that. Not because I don’t still love writing, or teaching, or any of the things I’m currently doing, but because I think I’ve put an unbalanced load of it all on my plate.

You see, I used to have martial arts as a balance. Something very physical, extroverted, technical to fill up the other side of my life, so that writing in its quiet, introverted, creative expanse was an equal partner. In this way my brain and body were fed, my need for social interaction balanced with my need for solitude. But now–without it in my life due to unfortunately but necessary circumstances, I’m very wobbly.

I think for too long I defined myself as both. And therein lies the problem. I have been feeling, these past months, half full. Half alive. Half of what I know I can be. I have filled the empty space with more writing obligations but it’s drained the creative parts of me. It’s made me no look forward to butt-in-the-chair time, and I am…edgy.

So the next two weeks are both filled with conferences, and book sales, and networking, and hopefully a reawakening of my creativity will be found sometime between the cocktail hours and the moderating classes. But I worry, that I will only feel more drained afterwards. And what then?

I guess it will be time to find a new balance. A new pursuit. A new purpose, to fill that other half of my soul. Breaks my heart to even consider it. This blog really doesn’t have a purpose itself. Just to let you know, I’m struggling. And as much as I love writing, I recognize that it is one piece of my soul that can’t drive my entire life, nonstop forever.

If you see me at the conference, stop and say hi. I’ll be the one juggling my existential crisis in the back of the room.