I’m not sure it’s a good sign when my first blog post of the year is late, but I think it’s probably an honest representation of my life. And let’s be fair, it’s only late by a few hours.
I had a busy year in 2022, and some of the seeds I planted are now bearing a shit-ton of fruit (mostly in the form of edits, publishing, book panels, and conferences) so I’m finding I rarely have time to brush my teeth, let alone keep up on my extraneous writing, teach my classes, love on my kids while I still have them around, and walk my dog. (sorry River, you great house hippo) but I’m not complaining.
Because in times of less time, I’ve discovered that I’m forced to let go of something. Sometimes it’s something I really wanted to do, or have, or pursue…but sometimes we have a brilliant opportunity to let go of something we’ve been holding on to for far too long that has been wasting our precious time and effort. I’m not saying it’s easy, but I will say it is worth it.
Think of this as your beginning of the year pep talk, not just for writing but for living.
Arrive gently into this year, or arrive like a fucking lion, all I ask is that you arrive. Be your own biggest advocate. If something has been weighing you down, impeding your growth, causing you to lose sleep or pick up the bottle a little too frequently, that thing does not deserve a place in your one precious life.
Take a deep breath, and take stock of the things in your life worth holding on to. You only get so many trips around the sun so travel light.
Are there relationships or situations that poison you? Where is the toxic pull coming from that robs you of your sleep, of your ability to regulate your emotions without coping mechanisms? What is the root of your distress and unease? Who or what is draining your energy?
Because the truth remains that whether you are seeking peace or a revolution you will not find either if you’re expending your energy in undeserving places.
Self-care is important but even more so is soul care (I’m not talking taking yourself to church and repenting—you sassy heathen *kiss*). Soul care means that you don’t accept things, people, situations, or habits that destroy, harm, or otherwise dull the luster of your soul. We all were born within the brilliant light of opalescent divinity, and darlin’, you were meant shine.
So when you drive to work and feel your stomach tie itself into knots. Or go out to meet that friend and feel your teeth clenching. Or look at all the diet books on bookstore shelves and feel the heaviness of trying to make yourself small. Or when you sit down with that one family member, or across the table from your partner and you feel anything but calm, loved, inspired and supported then it’s time to let go.
This requires trust. Trust that the universe has a BBP (bigger, better plan) for you, and it’s your job to start taking steps towards it. Towards what makes you happy. Away from that job, that friend, impossible and disgusting expectations and judgements, relationships, projects, whatever. Whatever the weight. It’s not meant to be carried anymore.
You’ve been around long enough to know that you ARE enough and you deserve love and respect.
You do not need approval. From. Anyone.
Your purpose does not require permission.
You are steeped in the sensual glaze of wisdom and confidence.
You do not have to continue on any path that doesn’t serve your happiness.
There is no requirement to stay somewhere or with someone who does not help your divinity flourish and grow.
So this year I urge you…rather than starting off the year with outrageous and unrealistic expectations on yourself (that have probably been placed on you by a society of consumerism and vapid body shaming) to take stock first. If you are nervous in the gut, triggered by people and situations, lying awake at night or drinking too much just to numb all of the other feelings that jostle around in your brain…find the root of this dis-ease.
And find a way (therapy, journaling, communication with friends, your faith, saying ‘fuck it’ and moving to Cabo, whatever your go-to catharsis) to dig it out and plant something better.
Because time is non-refundable, and your life is not replicable or renewable. This is it. The one we get. I beg of you, do not spend it somewhere that doesn’t deserve your brilliant, opalescent divinity. Shine. As you are meant to.
Found when they find me i will be alone the questions and headshakes directed in quizzical depths to the loam and silt they cannot sort through no reasoning to be caught in bucket or screen when they find me dressed as animals are in the skin i was in the day i roared into the plain i will shock in cold white filled with trout breath and minnow kisses When they find me broken shell battered lovely in purple and blue head struck rock knee scraped branches lips in shades to make mountain bluebell envious they will lament such wasted splendor when they find me the questions of why i was lost to the brine a jointer to the self-takers before me whispers will static the air of all the ways i failed and too long loitered in futility when they find me they will burn the empty package while I sneak, soul-snake in water down river bends to the sea never to be found again This Isn't a Poem for You So this isn’t a poem for the broken hearted it is not for those who were left behind or ghosted or dumped or abused or disregarded This is a poem for those who watched as another soul walked away sat in their silence was released from another person’s life faced pain at their hands or were simply ignored into nothingness… You are the warriors of time you, who have felt the sting of heart break and disappointments you are the carriers of grief and the bodies made of scars and you have lived through every burning cut and every lonely night This is not for the soul they broke, this is for the you that survived. This is not a sermon from some high tower that you are stronger for it that you are braver because of it that you are a better person a heart bigger, with these new and ragged cracks to let the light in I will only tell you what I know You survived. you packed up your heart and your mind and you moved on you accepted their silence you treated your wounds and closed the door you started paying attention to yourself when they no longer did and that carries weight self determination and the ability to move past the fickle and soft-seated lies, of a love always perched to flee the very second things got hard Your feet remain grounded and you outlasted You heart is a seasoned warrior and it may never let another in but it doesn’t have space anyway because in their absence beyond the echoes of their abuse the pain of their mistreatment, you’ve filled your heart with the unfaltering love of yourself they can’t ever move back in there isn’t room any more.
Sarah Reichert Author 