Happy and Safe Pride

In honor of Pride Month and celebrating all of the amazing human beings, in their struggled to be themselves, live fully, and be safe from violence and oppression, I’m doing all I can to support LGBTQ+ writers and poets. Listed below are a group of wonderful authors and their work that you should check out. If you can buy from them directly do, and leave positive reviews if you have some to give. Each one is an opportunity to learn, to grow, to understand and to find connection. Not just this month, but every month. Enjoy and be the loving force for change you want to see in the world.

  • One Day I Will Write About This Place: A Memoir by Binyavanga Wainaina
  • As Beautiful as Any Other: A Memoir of My Body by Kaya Wilson
  • La Bâtarde by Violette Leduc, translated by Derek Coltman
  • The Truth About Me: a Hijra Life Story by A. Revathi, translated by V Geetha
  • The Sex Lives of African Women: Self-Discovery, Freedom, and Healing by Nana Darkoa Sekyiamah
  • The Pink Line: Journeys Across the World’s Queer Frontiers by Mark Gevisser
  • Modern Nature by Derek Jarman
  • My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness by Nagata Kabi, translated by Jocelyne Allen
  • People Change by Vivek Shraya
  • Asylum: A Memoir & Manifesto by Edafe Okporo
  • Welcome to St. Hell: My Trans Teen Misadventure by Lewis Hancox
  • We Have Always Been Here: A Queer Muslim Memoir by Samra Habib
  • Dear Senthuran: A Black Spirit Memoir by Akwaeke Emezi
  • The Other Side of Paradise by Staceyann Chin
  • Red Azalea by Anchee Min
  • Me Hijra, Me Laxmi by Laxminarayan Tripathi, translated by PG Joshi and R. Raj Rao
  • They Called Me Queer compiled by Kim Windvogel and Kelly-Eve Koopman
  • Unicorn: The Memoir of a Muslim Drag Queen by Amrou Al-Kadhi
  • Angry Queer Somali Boy: A Complicated Memoir by Mohamed Abdulkarim Ali
  • Thérèse and Isabelle by Violette Leduc, translated by Sophie Lewis (1966)
  • Maurice by EM Forster (1971)
  • Orlando: A Biography by Virginia Woolf (1928)
  • America is Not the Heart by Elaine Castillo
  • Hotel World by Ali Smith
  • Less by Sean Andrew Greer
  • The Price of Salt aka Carol by Patricia Highsmith
  • Valencia by Michelle Tea
  • Under the Udala Trees by Chinelo Okparanta
  • Paper is White by Hilary Zaid
  • Stone Butch Blues by Leslie Feinberg.
  • Orlando by Virginia Woolf
  • Giovanni’s Room by James Baldwin
  • Sodom Road Exit by Amber Dawn
  • Angels in America: A Gay Fantasia on National Themes by Tony Kushner
  • Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe by Fannie Flagg
  • The Book of Salt by Monique Truong
  • Tea by Stacey D’Erasmo
  • Tipping the Velvet by Sarah Waters
  • Alice Isn’t Dead by Joseph Fink
  • Oranges Are Not The Only Fruit by Jeanette Winterson
  • Marriage of A Thousand Lies by SJ Sindu
  • Nightwood by Djuna Barnes
  • Tales of the City by Armistead Maupin
  • Close to Spider Man by Ivan E. Coyote
  • Jack Holmes and His Friend by Edmund White
  • A Single Man by Christopher Isherwood
  • Fruit by Brian Francis
  • Salt Fish Girl by Larissa Lai
  • Morrow Island by Alexis M. Smith
  • Pages for You by Sylvia Brownrigg
  • Confucius Jane by Katie Lynch
  • Little Fish by Casey Plett
  • Such a Lonely, Lovely Road by Kagiso Lesego Molope
  • She of the Mountains by Vivek Shraya
  • For Today I Am A Boy by Kim Fu
  • The Color Purple by Alice Walker
  • Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown
  • Disoriental by Négar Djavadi
  • Speak No Evil by Uzodinma Iweala
  • The Life and Death of Sophie Stark by Anna North
  • Never Anyone But You by Rupert Thomson
  • Hood by Emma Donoghue
  • Blue Boy By Rakesh Satyal
  • My Education by Susan Choi
  • Here Comes The Sun by Nicole Dennis-Benn
  • Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz
  • We Are Okay by Nina LaCour
  • Summer of Salt by Katrina Leno
  • 48 Shades Of Brown by Nick Earls
  • Call Me by Your Name by André Aciman (2007)
  • The Language We Were Never Taught to Speak by Grace Lau
  • Butcher by Natasha T. Miller
  • Water I Won’t Touch by Kayleb Rae Candrilli
  • The Renunciations by Donika Kelly
  • Bestiary by Donika Kelly
  • Paul Takes the Form of a Mortal Girl by Andrea Lawlor
  • You Better Be Lightning by Andrea Gibson
  • Lord of the Butterflies by Andrea Gibson
  • Black Girl, Call Home by Jasmine Mans
  • Black Queer Hoe by Britteney Black Rose Kapri
  • If They Come for Us by Fatimah Asghar
  • Nothing is Okay by Rachel Wiley
  • Cenzontle by Marcelo Hernández Castillo
  • The Tradition by Jericho Brown
  • Soft Science by Franny Choi
  • Bodymap by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha
  • Night Sky With Exit Wounds by Ocean Vuong
  • When the Chant Comes by Kay Ulanday Barrett
  • More Than Organs by Kay Ulanday Barrett
  • Don’t Call Us Dead by Danez Smith
  • Things You Left Behind by Keondra Bills Freemyn
  • Femme in Public by Alok Vaid-Menon
  • Wild Embers by Nikita Gill
  • Chelsea Girls by Eileen Myles (1994)

BOOKS: POETRY

Advice on The Next Year

(As if she knew enough to tell anyone else what to do with their life…)

I am, by no means, an expert in life. I have failed at it before in so many ways. I’ve made lots of messy mistakes, and will probably do so again, at least once a year for the rest of the time given me. So–feel free to close out of this blog with a knowing roll of your eyes.

Or…

Hang with me for a minute, and let’s talk. Listen, I know that this world and this life feels like a hot mess sitting on top of an explosive train wreck, parked next to a puppy store and children’s hospital. There are large, capitalistic forces beyond our control, churning out profitable war machines, and rising costs. Famine, disease, environmental ruin… There’s very little that can be done by one person. Except…

Except what we can do.

Here’s my humble advice:

Photo by Karol D on Pexels.com
  • Stay healthy. Eat well, cut out poisonous shit (alcohol, drugs, etc), keep your body moving, and mediate. Read books, lots of them, from lots of sources and lots of topics.
  • When you indulge in news, chose a reputable source, and shun any ‘breaking news’ sensationalism. Your attention to the world’s needs and troubles isn’t for sale.
  • Do something that scares you. No, I’m not talking driving off a cliff, or anything that’s hurtful. I mean, ask for that promotion, take that class, talk to that girl, write that book, quit that job, leave that jerk. Do it.
  • Do something that feeds your bigger self. Everybody has a passion, no matter how silly or fanciful others find it. Fuck others. Do your silly. Embrace that hobby, that joy, that interest. Do something that makes you lose track of time for the engagement it brings you.
  • Understand and embrace that your passion, your creativity, doesn’t need to be monetized to be worthwhile. It does not have to be sold to justify its existence.
  • Be kind in all things. Studies have shown that when we are kind to others, it releases oxytocin into our system. That’s the feel good snuggly chemical that we’re all short on. It helps us bond and relate. It helps us connect. In a real way, not just by clicking a ‘like’ button. People who care for others, speak out for others, stand up for others. Understand that other’s rights are our rights too.
  • Limit your time in imaginary, algorithm cesspools and echo chambers. Seriously. Set a timer for your social media scrolling. I know its part of many of our jobs, but so are spreadsheets, and we don’t spend any more time on those than absolutely necessary. Spreadsheets are better for you than social media. And if you knew how much I fucking hate spreadsheets, you’d know I mean business on this one.
  • Get outside. In the cold, in the wind, in the heat and the dark. The human body was built to experience the particular stimulations of the outside environment. We need sun. We need the far away stares into mountains and parks. We need shivers and sweating. We need to feel the earth under our feet and the sharp skin of tree bark. We need it. We came from it. We should cherish it while it’s still here.
  • Self Care is important but SO IS COMMUNITY CARE. Hate to break it to you, little meat suit, but you’re not the be-all, end-all of the world. Yes, you are important, but you are only as important as the community you build and support. You do not survive alone and the self-care craze has turned a bit too self-important and self-centered. You are not above the suffering of others when you have the capacity to help. Take care of yourself, but take care of others too. We all lean on each other to survive. And on that note…
  • VOTE. While we still have a democracy to vote in. You laugh but… we are dangerously close to a dictatorship. We already are muddling through an oligarchy of waaaaaay-too old leaders dictating policy and laws based on ideals of 60 years ago, that serve the ruling class (white, male, rich, christian). They were able to stack the supreme court so we can no longer feel safe that our democracy is being held in check and balanced with common sense. See above notes about…be kind in all things (including voting for issues that affect humans’ rights and quality of life) and participating in community care (what’s best for those most disenfranchised will eventually be best for us all)
  • Protest. If every worker, every woman, every unrecognized majority member were to stand up and walk out… on their imposed ‘places’, on their below-wage jobs, on their prison-pipline school systems, this country would grind to a fucking halt. This country NEEDS to grind to a halt. This country needs to be reminded that shareholder needs mean jack shit when there aren’t workers to keep the economy rolling. This country NEEDS to recognize that unpaid labor, income disparity, childcare fleecing, education suppression and the harassment and abuse of over half its population is no longer tolerable. Money should never outweigh the betterment of humanity.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

In short. Next year should scare the shit out of you. Because you’re going to try all kinds of new things. To be seen, to be heard, to heal the downtrodden, and to heal yourself. You’re going to learn things about the world that have been hidden by your echo chambers and sensational ‘journalism’. You’re going to have to step out of your house to meet people and learn about them. You’re going to have to constantly push boundaries.

It will be scary to try new things, scary to speak out. It will seem pointless and fruitless, unless we can all do it together. Because maybe… maybe if we stand up to be brave, whether in protest of policy, or in defense of our own happiness and health, it will ignite the fire in someone else, and in someone else…and in someone else.

Until…by the end of next year, our one candle will have lit an unprecedented inferno.

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Poetry, Humanity, Gravel and Gold.

Listen Kids. We’ve been going hard at it now for the past few months all about writing theory, types of writing, how to write, what to write, and on and on and on and on…

Today is the last Thursday before the election and it has been a crazy past few months. To that end, I would like to offer you a little bit more of the Beautiful portion of The Beautiful Stuff.

There are no exercises to do, no work-in-progress to compare and tweak.

No Bullet Lists

Just a poem or two I wrote while camped out in the Rocky Mountains for a few days, re-evaluating my writing and, in part, my life.

I hope you find repose in the next week or two. I hope you weigh what is good, and just, and right for all of our citizens. I hope you vote with the conscience of someone who cares for their fellow human beings and all of our quality of life. I hope you vote.

When it’s done I hope you can let the last few years of hatred and divisiveness go. Put it down. Reach across the chasm that was created by small-minded men seeking to destroy unity and human decency. Those who grew their power by pitting us against one another.

I hope you can find rest. I hope you can find beauty. I hope you find your voice and you use it to stand up against injustice, stand up for your fellow human beings, and stand together against hatred.

Photo by Lisa Fotios on Pexels.com

Here it is. Poetry

More Gravel Than Gold

I hope that heaven’s streets,

are more gravel than gold.

That the armaments are granite peaks

and the angels’ song,

quaking aspen.

I hope that heaven’s throng is more full

of friends than the righteous.

That the memories of Grandma’s hands

will be photos regained in focus.

I hope that heaven is made of home

more porch swing and creek than opulent spire.

That they’re waiting to hear my tires in the driveway

and they’ll rush out with soapy hands

warm hugs

and how was the drive?

I hope that heaven’s streets

are more gravel than gold

And we’ll meet there together

on the porch, beside the hush of river,

telling tales of the journey in.

Life Without FaceBook

Let’s admit it, the last fifteen years have been a time of experimental growth for humans and their technology. Zuckerberg and his pals in Social Media Land rolled a tiny pair of dice and took the house. It is in everything we do. Its how we communicate, how we share, how we learn about each other (or at least what we choose to tell people in our half-truth screen life). It’s also how advertisers find us, how personal information is given out to people we never intended it for, and how the dangerous Echo Chamber was born.

I decided, last week, to step off of that particular merry-go-round. Yes, it hurts my online presence as a writer. But let’s be honest, not many people read my work anyway, so its not like I’m at a huge loss there. Yes, I miss seeing pictures of my friends and their funny posts, or catching up with my mom via Messenger. I miss seeing my nephew grow like a weed, and laugh at the geeky memes from my writer and nerd friends.

But one of the biggest reasons I left was that I realized how much I would miss the immediate gratification of a thumbs up sign to the comments, or pictures, or jokes that I used to post.

You see, FaceBook didn’t just sell us “connectivity” with our friends, family, and community. It sells us self-esteem, self-empowerment, even self-justification. And it reinforces those things by allowing us to filter out the people and sites we don’t agree with, and keep us comfortably surrounded by our already accepted beliefs.

Fifty likes on a post made me feel like I was some sort of rock start writer, or that I was cared about after a rough day.

Three made me feel like no one was listening and I didn’t matter.

None at all, I admit, somedays made me wonder if I existed at all…

I became a person who measured her self-worth by how many people were paying attention to me.

I became a person who was in need of the treat, like a dog who’s been clicker trained. Combine that with the perfectly filtered photos of friends, their lofty career accomplishments, their ‘humble’ retelling of good deeds done and I often felt self-stigma as to why I was not doing, being, having more. I teetered on the edge of what was real. I dove directly into self-loathing on more than one occasion.

Then, life threw in a few major world-events, the dividing lines between friends and family started cutting deeper and deeper and every post became something that set you apart from or joined you to one side or the other. Just like the Kardashians, FaceBook thrives the most when it’s got a healthy plate of drama in front of it.

We are a nation and world in the midst of a health crisis as well as sitting on the precipice of FINALLY understanding what America has been doing wrong since the creation of our country. I began to realize that no matter how loud I shouted on-line that racism was real, that being white and poor is not the same as being black and poor, that white children will never know the fear and limits that have been placed on black children, I would never change the minds of people who were not ready to accept it.

And watching that disheartening ignorance was just as bad as seeing well-MEANING friends post the trendiest slogan and know that that was the extent of their epiphany on the matter.

So I left. Not because I don’t love pictures of toe-headed babies and Star Wars Memes. I didn’t leave because I don’t like reading well-thought out and civil discussions on hard topics (a few of those do exist). I didn’t leave because I didn’t want to connect with all kinds of people from all spectrums of the scale.

I left because it’s not real. There’s always an angle, even from the most well-intentioned person.

I left because I don’t trust Zuckerberg to fact-check if it doesn’t suit his bottom line.

I left because most of the conversations I read or engaged in, have devolved into ugly name calling and personal attacks that have nothing to do with compassionate communication or the intention of trying to understand.

I left because in the last week I’ve actually connected on a personal level with friends I hadn’t talked to in years.

I left because I want to be more real and not just someone hiding myself  behind a glossy filter of anonymity.

I left because I know that all those perfect people out there aren’t so perfect.

I left because I am enough and I don’t need someone else’s approval to justify my worth.

I left because FaceBook is fucking addictive and I don’t need another addiction in my life.

I left because I can’t change the hatred driven opinions of anyone, and I’m done trying to at the expense of my mental health.

I left because my time is better spent working towards a new, hopefully better, future for every human in this country.

I left because I want to make a difference, not just crow about it for the ‘likes’.

I don’t have a writing exercise for you, but I would encourage you to give up FaceBook for one week. (They even have a ‘take a break’ option if you’re not ready to throw in the towel completely like me).

See how much time it frees up. See how much mental space it frees up. Enjoy a meal without having to share a picture. Enjoy a song and call the person who it reminds you of, instead of posting it. Try being a real person for a bit, and see how your mental health improves. Remember, we actually all got along pretty well before it came around, you won’t die without it.

 

Higher Learning

We live in a world fueled by instantaneous information and misinformation. The overtaking of the Internet as our ‘news source’, social media, online anonymity, and the dangers of segregation through groupthink mentality have created a strange, and quick moving divisiveness that’s drawing hard lines through and around our community.

I live in Fort Collins, home of Colorado State University (not a CSU alumni myself), and the newest controversy involving a group of white students involved in a racially charged incident. Four of CSU’s students donned charcoal face masks and referenced Black Panther in a photo now widely dispersed on the internet.

What’s the big deal, right? Kids are young and dumb. They do stupid shit all the time.

Yeah…that may be true, we all do stupid shit. ESPECIALLY in college. But this isn’t throwing a chicken into a bar or lighting fireworks out of a car window.

This is racism. And no racism is done ‘in good fun’.

Living in today’s world with access to limitless information means that we have a responsibility to understand where we’ve gone wrong as a country and why we are always responsible for our actions, specifically how we treat our fellow human beings.

Being young is no longer a viable excuse for this kind of behavior. Theirs is the generation that has seen the thick disease of racism, white nationalism, and ethnocentrism bubble up to the surface. They should understand it better than any of us…maybe they do, and perhaps that’s what’s most disturbing about this incident.

The only person to come forward said it all happened so fast, that she didn’t even have time to question if making the gesture from Black Panther was right or wrong.

I call bullshit.

If you’re ‘clever’ enough to think of the reference while your white face is covered in black clay you’re clever enough to understand what it means to American culture and the disturbing history we share.

And if those students haven’t ever learned this history then here’s a quick recap for any of you out there who aren’t sure what the big deal is.

In the 1850’s black face (a white person painting their face in shoe polish, coal dust, etc) began as a way to portray African American people on stage for the entertainment of Antebellum era Southerners still miffed that much of their free labor had been emancipated. Actors played black characters in ways that perpetuated inaccurate stereotypes of them as being lazy, ignorant, superstitious, hypersexual, criminal and cowardly.

It wasn’t right then. It certainly isn’t now.

Now listen…I am human. You are too. We screw up.

Once, I was driving a friend home from a race and belted out the lyrics to a DMX song (because I love post-race DMX) and she stared at me in horror before I realized the word I’d sang along with. I still feel bad about it to this day…so I’m not sitting here on any sort of high horse.

But what I can say is this, when we make a mistake we admit it, we understand it and we OWN it. Meaning that we don’t try to turn the situation around to how our wrong behavior has “victimized us”.

I read through the young woman’s apology (side note and something we should all be aware of when looking at the whole picture: the female from the photo, Leana Kaplan had her apology printed in The Coloradoan even though they don’t accept outside articles or personal letters. Turns out, her father, Les Kaplan, owns the building that the newspaper resides in. Can you say “conflict of interest”, kiddies?) Her apology turned from seemingly genuine regret to her own hardships resulting from the incident. She even went on counter attack saying it was all a political ploy by a prominent educator, Tay Anderson, who is running for the Denver School Board.

I have to call bullshit again. You are responsible for how you behaved, you can’t be mad that people are raising awareness of the racial inequality which brought about such behavior. It’s not all about you, princess.

Public shaming is completely acceptable when you’ve been a total douche about something.

CSU is facing its own backlash and I say it’s about time. The predominantly white upper-class college isn’t a stranger to this kind of behavior from it’s students. In the past two years there have been a string of racist and anti-semitic crimes, including a noose hung in a resident hall targeting a Black resident assistant, graffiti proclaiming “Fu%& Jews”, and even CSU security calling the police on two Native American students who were on a tour of the college. Despite all of these hate crimes, CSU and its board of directors have done little to combat the behaviors that make its minority students feel threatened, anxious and segregated.

Speaking of threats, and to return to a more balanced overview, Miss Kaplan has had death threats (over 50 she claims) due to this incident, and has lost her job, causing ‘financial hardship’.

While there’s a lot to be said for the shady nature of white privilege in this story here is where I want to end this discussion with:

Firstly, if your dad owns buildings that house newspapers, I’m inclined to think that you don’t have nearly the ‘financial hardships’ that other disadvantaged students are facing.

Secondly, no matter how stupid or blindly privileged you are, you are still a human being and no one should be threatening your life.

This is a strange and hard time to live. Especially for those of us with hearts in the right places and genuine care and concern for all the people we share this world with. I feel like a momma to the expanse of the world sometimes, holding my hands out to each child, trying to keep them from hurting one another.

Stop.

Stop thinking its funny and no big deal to make fun of a history that destroys lives, ruined families and entire cultures, and ripped our country in half. Be a better person, goddamnit, and understand that your actions have the power to either perpetuate hate and divisiveness or love and compassion.

Stop.

Stop threatening to take someone’s life for making a mistake. I understand that you worry that by offering forgiveness and a second chance you think they won’t learn…that they will just keep on doing hurtful things. But taking someone’s life makes you no better a person. Causing them fear and anxiety, while seemingly just punishment, is the low road to take.

This post’s exhausted me. I hope you all can take one thing away from it: That you are responsible for your behavior and the consequences that it brings. You are responsible for the world you create through your actions and words…so Be Better.