This was one of the poems that I wrote in April, during the Poetry Month Spree for Writing Heights. I produced a lot of interesting stuff that month (as one does) and I love that the space between writing the poem and going back through the deluge offers so much more reflection and perspective.

Anyway, here’s poetry.

Mantra

I meditate, every day
growing comfortable 
with  the sound of my own ocean
ebbing and flowing
laid down
like sedimentary thought

all the things I know I should think
should say
the mantras
like so many layers of gauze
over open wounds

you're okay, you're okay, you're okay

breath in, breath out, hold

I am here, I am here, I am here,

as anchors to the ocean floor

I will not leave you
I promise my younger self
that blue-eyed child
her heart unbroken by others just yet

but I did leave me

to the wolves of heartless men
to the neglect of depressed parents
to the anxieties of her children

I left me to suffer, to be wounded,
to die
over and over again

like breathing in, breathing out

I whisper over my teeth

I love you

not knowing what it really means

I love all of you,

I try to fathom
the darkness my voice echoes back

especially the darkness...

heart beat
breathe in
hold
empty lungs
and pretend this is how
it feels to drown
especially in the darkness

love the darkness
especially the darkness

It will not leave you

it loves you

all of you