Poetry 8-21-2025

So…this was written on a train (if the title doesn’t somehow give that way). Somewhere in the wilds of Norway, which still feels like the beating heart of my home. Some yearnings remain. After years, after miles, after all the weights we carry and let go. We still remain. Remember your wild heart. Yearn a bit more. Worry a bit less.

Thoughts from a Train


the gnarled and yet
not-aching-to-be-straight aspens,
forever reaching up
while tethered to their roots below
the largest organism,
still seems so alone,
standing on the draping hills
and keeping a respectable distance
from one another

a rushing river teases between trees and
gives the snowy foam of passion
a rise and climax as it
dances across
unforgiving rocks
on the edge of a desire
fluid against hard surfaces
rutting in season
and calm placation when
the urgency subsides

I’m still trying to see through the trees
to find the rushing sound

hard rock faces, lining the tracks
to dark tunnels
where the rush of entry
changes the pressure of my body
and eyes flutter close
the dark and light dappling
through my eyelids and
I feel the butterfly brush of lashes to cheeks
you’re lying there in the sun,
now shade,
now sun
beside me

I am sitting
with all my desire,
laying in warm beds
faraway from here
and the ways it will never reach me,
never catch up to me
through windows
along miles
in this cold space next to strangers
known
and unknown

I am heavy in obligation
weighed, like black holes contracting
around the reality they consume

but in my heart
still beats the wilderness
and still grows in brambles,
and still peeks through evergreen thick
to remind me
that a river always rushes
cold and powerful
ever cyclical and returning
between my crevasses and
to the lowest points
of all the lovely roots
of this, my human desire

I still remain
wild

Poetry 8-24-2023

Discovery

I did not find myself
in the bottom of a glass
The burn to numb poison
and all the untethering promises
she made

I did not find myself in 
the narcissistic hearts
parading in poets' clothing
promising ideas of my self-worth
while making me kneel before them

I did not find myself
by losing pounds
or cutting hair
or searing the wrinkles of 
a thousand laughs away

I did not find myself
by giving my love and my years
away to those who only wanted
to own me
collect me, 
objectify and fantasize
who never gave credit to the soul within 
only loved
the pretty, fading paper

I found myself beneath
the starlit sky, high up
in a meadow between mountains
cold and alive
brave and scared
breathing deep as though
it was my first air taken

I found myself in tumbling footfalls
one after another, up and down
careening not controlled
alonside pain
pacing with anxiety
but listening to my own heart
beating out

you can
     you can
         you can

I found myself in the holy land
of pine needles 
and mocking bird cries
silent stage, calm in a chaotic world
and herons in silent coasting flight above me
communing with their soul's solitude
in search of quiet shores

I found myself between pages 
and tattooed in ink
words and ideas and truths 
unknown to any other heart but my own
learning that, 
without meeting requirements first

I am enough
     I am brave
         I deserve love

I found myself in the faces
of women I've raised
to listen to themselves in ways
I am still learning
I found myself in their beautiful complexity
knowing I would never allow them to be hurt
in the ways I have accepted hurt for myself

I am finding myself 
and it has taken a lifetime
I just hope
I can take my heart
and lead her away from the dark

I hope I can find myself 
in time.