In honor of spring, I’ve dug this little gem out of one of the many unmarked-but-filled journals in my desk. My poor children will one day find all of these scratchings and will have to make sense of them, or they may chose to burn them (I will be gone and won’t offer protest). I hope some of my words survive. So they know the normalcy of a heart, wild-raging and how undefinable a life really is.

Sown

I am wakening
though this small seed planted
seems stagnant
and it is cold and dark 
the surrounding day
so dense and ungiving
but the seed is planted
and every seed has 
potential
for awakening

And this seed...
I know her concrete shell
her impervious coat
you think the darker,
the colder,
the absolute absence of love
would kill her
dead pod in ground
served justice for even thinking 
of blooming on her own

But you do not know this seed,
no one does
except me.
I knew when I plucked her 
from my heart in the solitary depths of 
lovely dispair, and whispered
incantations of self-worth
of imperviousness
of an unbreakable shell
an unkillable flame
the magic was set and 
it no longer needed 
what living things needed 
to survive

because she is survival
and her words will tendril
into the hard pack of your indifference
and she will feed off of your apathy
and she will shoot forth
arms to the sky 
that you cannot hold down
with guilt or obligations
or crocodile tears

because she is the boundless
and unshakable irreverence 
of me, 
and I will awaken 
in the absence of your love