Watch

 

i was dying,

pared open on the floor, crying the way you do,

when no noise comes out anymore

and your face hurts from the skin being pulled too tight

over bared teeth.

 

Between silent sobs

i was dying

then i heard

the faint heartbeat, a whisper stroke

i stilled to listen,

right on the second

every monosyllable played precise

and the battle i’d been fighting on the floor

fell away in the space between tick marks

i clung to the sound like the edge of a cliff

something real, but soft

something consistent and true

 

i pulled open the dresser drawer and found

an old watch

face up beneath the quagmire of things i’d shoved in

band frayed

years neglected

but still beating.

And i thought…maybe

maybe if i just focus on

the ticks

the right on time,

instead of the death within me,

i could calm myself enough to sleep.

 

i’ve been wearing it now for three days

so when i remember my heart is gone

it lends me its own.

i hold it close to my ear

and listen for the next mark, and the next

and in this way i go on

 

i don’t know what will become of me

Of my heart

When the ticking beat

Ticks it’s last