Morning all. I’m going through these mountains of poetry. Some from many years past. Some from last year, while I was in program with my daughter at an Eating Disorder Recovery center in Denver. I know it is a year past, and things are better. She is brave and strong, and working through so much. She is eating and once again capable of rational thought. But I also know that there were wounds made in that space that are still tender. For us both.

How? Well, at the RMFW conference a couple of weekends ago, I found that my hotel window faced the Gary Pavilion of Children’s Hospital. The building we spent every day from 7am until 7pm, undergoing treatment. Not just forcing her to eat, but requiring hours of therapy, inner work, and learning coping mechanisms. Some were helpful. Some, as dictated by that particular program, did not sit well or work with either of our values. When I opened my curtain and saw it, just the innocuous building, nothing on its own but filled with months of memories, I felt immediately physically sick. All of the days of crying and screaming, hateful rebellion, and how-could-you-do-this-to-me’s, how could you save a life I’m trying so hard to end… came rushing over me. And maybe I had been trying to put it, like a box, in the back of my brain closet. Seeing the building, in the same light as we would leave each day made me feel anxious and shaky. I closed my curtains and did not open them for the entire weekend.

Anyway, a long intro to this poem. Written during the struggle. If you’re in a struggle, of any kind, I hope you find some comfort within the lines.

The Path, Unasked For

we did not ask to be put on this rocky trail

we did not ask for the biting roughness

the edges that catch

and trip our feet

we did not ask for this blazing heat

no respite of shade

no cool breeze on blistered skin

we did not ask

to become more suffocated

with every tenuous step upward

we did not ask for this mountain ahead

for the perilous journey

that life kidnapped us to

we did not ask

for this

but this is what we have

perilous and rocky

blistering and biting

every step, every growling hunger

a pain and punishing gauntlet

every hoisted leg, trip and fumble

skinned palms and

wind knocked out fall

is ours

to own

this trail, this journey

this mountain, my darling

it is yours

and it is mine

and we’re traveling it

together

through all of the nasty

the bitter

the burn and ache

and all the bloodletting

the tear shedding

we are suffering

and conquering

this together

this is our trial, our path

our mountain

and it is not fair

and it is not kind

but it is ours now

and the only way out

is through

the only way home

is over the mountain

the only way back to safety

is through this hell

this darkest night

take my hand

one step

one breath

one us

at a time

ever onward, darling

until dawn is ours